I'm Not In Good Health

  My mental illness is overtaking my productivity.  I can't concentrate on anything at all.  I've pretty much devolved into spending whole days drinking pop and listening to the same 20 or so songs over and over.  I get like this every couple months or so and I don't know why.  I lose all track of time.  Sometimes literally, the scrobbler I use with WinAmp occasionally stops the system clock... I lost four whole hours yesterday without even noticing.  Also, that "autopilot" feeling I get to handle social situations happens even around my family.

  I keep getting new ideas for games.  Some very advanced concepts in story telling and gameotography (made up word).  And then they just disappear.  I write some of them down, but when I review them later they don't make any sense.  Like the crazy scratches of a cave dwelling hermit, I'm sure there was something of importance if I could just make sense of it.

  My AISH papers are going along well, but I'm still paranoid that I'll be declined despite being in the process of getting these papers for more than five years.  All that's left is some mental testing.  I don't think it's going to go well:  1.  I test extremely well, my estimated IQ according to the last government test I took was a 177 yet I can barely function in a real world environment.  and 2.  Tests are serious business to me so I can't fake a test to appear worse off than I really am.  If the papers do go through I'll be able to go to school again.  Stratford Career Institute has a class on Game Design that would be quite affordable if I had any money.  Accreditation doesn't matter to me as long as it's something I can use... like locksmithing or accounting.

  I've been drawing a little lately...  here's a something.

Maybe he can be the main character of some quick platformer....

Cytomight

  Game is on hold due to stuff.  I got two enemies done, the red blood cell and the histamine (in name only, don't take the implied biology seriously) and fixed the colour blending slightly (There are only 6 bright spots in an HSV colour space, not the 7 I expected).  Still can't make up my mind if it should be a top-down exploring maze-like game (moving around a body) or if it should be a shmup style game with faster action and bosses.... or both/other.  Soundtrack is still non-existent, but I have no ideas anyway.  Work is incredibly slow even when I force it.

  And then I see a promo for de Blob 2 on Wii...  Well, great.  Between de Blob and Osmos I can't even be sure if my "original never been done before" idea actually is or not.  Maybe Morphic fields do exist?

Other Projects

  Been thinking of resuming my older projects, or even my comic.  My doodle (above) could be just the pose-able I needed to get a highly animated character.  Worried slightly that he looks too much like something from Knytt.

  I keep getting this idea to make a Space-Navy type of game.  I really like Naval combat and it's really not done much, or at all, these days.  After watching Macross again I kinda wanted to do my own take on it.  Of course, I'm told Infinite Space on DS is pretty good...  but like most people would agree, my local EB is failsauce.

  I've been thinking of making an extremely simple game like Rock-Paper-Scissors just so I can say "I produced something!"  But this goes even worse.  If lofty goals don't hold my attention, why should scab work hold them?

Gaming

  Stopped playing Monday Night Combat.  I really like the game, but I'm at the point where the Pro-Am spread is too visible and I end up on fail teams that I can't carry alone.  I'm "trying" to play Global Agenda, but it runs terribly on this computer.  Well, ok, it runs ok... just the text is unreadable.  Since individual item stats don't vary it's not really a problem, I just don't like it.  That aside, the game is still way fun to play even with the bad performance.  Also, PSO2 should be coming out in a while.  Potential to be the greatest game ever made, but likely to be a flip.  PSO was so magically perfect, SEGA just can't seem to recreate it.

  Progress Quest, like always, is running in the background.  My Land Squid Slow Poisoner is up to level 76 on Spoltog.  I'm still trying to beat NetHack (I've make it as far as the Plane of Air twice, but get killed by swarms each time... no conflict) and Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup (I'm attracted to the Naga class, despite being difficult to play), though I only just started DCSS so I don't know what kind of challenges will show up later.  I also play Dwarf Fortress.  The new patch added some incredible features, but the mining took a hit... exploratory mining isn't as fun as it was in 31.18.

  My console gaming is far behind.  While I am still limited by my very low budget I still just don't seem interested in playing "new" games.  Currently working on a low level run of FF6 (so far so perfect, I'm at the Floating Continent with perfectly low stats...  playing on the real GBA cart, no hax).  Also did a few runs of Sonic 2 and 3 on the Mega Collection on Gamecube (the superior version due to low load times)...  been meaning to get back to Monster Hunter Tri, but people keep taking my Wii for Netflix. ('Cuz it's wireless... I sure hope no one tried to stick the Wii into the VCR slot).  Waiting patiently for the Wii release of Descent and La-Mulana.  I got the other consoles too.  They just don't have any games... that interest me.

Other

  Does this count as depression?  I don't really feel anything... it's more like I'm a zombie, or a robot... completely mindless.  Sudden shocking spikes of free will disrupting my already uneasy sleep.  I'll remember things that never happened and get confused when the deja vu kicks in.  Well, this has been a long post.  Probably my longest post ever, including the contests I have on the forum.  I predict this will only get maybe 5 views though... I'm not gonna bother "Monetize"ing until I actually produce something.

  Is it strange to have nostalgia for the feeling of something that hasn't happened yet?  Lok.